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Tuesday, January 4, 2011

A Dented Box Marked 2010

It's a New Year and whether I like-it-or-not, time for a New Me.
My name is Debi Smith and I am a breast cancer work-shirker. My last chemo was forty days ago. Sounds like words from an AA or better, a Cancer Anonymous meeting. Well, that's because it's finally time to quit the cycle of apathy I've been trapped in and stand up at a podium and admit the truth. I have been avoiding getting back to work.
I am in another anxiety-ridden holding pattern, waiting this time for a consult with the radiologist in Kelowna. We are trying to get the date moved up because the chemo has been ended 6 weeks early and I am not on any anti-cancer drug regime yet. If the chemo did in fact miss anything, that little spore could be growing as we speak. Every sugared bite of Christmas Crap, sip of wine or slurp of heavily egg-nogged Chai tea made me worry (after it was past the gullet, of course) that I was fanning a spark into a possible flame.
BUT, I am not going to spend one more minute fretting about it. I have done what I've done and enjoyed Christmas and New Years to the Max!
And now the Party is over. The painful surgeries, the chemotherapy... over as well. All behind me in a dented box in my head marked "2010."
Today is Tuesday, January 4th 2011 and the Holidays are officially over for everyone, including myself. I have decided to begin the transformation from recovering surgery/chemo patient back to a writer/exercise fanatic who watches what she eats ( and these days, what she drinks!). My resolution is to spend less time trying to numb myself mentally with games, books and movies and use that energy in a constructive way. I have two novels I need to rip apart and rewrite in time for the next Mystery Writers conference in Victoria in June. I think I have allotted enough time to this cancer thing. It's time to take my life back. Okay, with a little time for some doctor and radiation appointments and travel to and from the Okanagan. The difference this round, during what I call Phase Three of this entire health debacle, will be the mind set.
It's time to hang the "Do Not Disturb" sign on my office door again. Not because I'm having a nap, because I'm back to writing. Okay, maybe a bit of both in the beginning.
The New Me. Learning to balance this recent cancer-challenged life with the old one. Like napping and working.
There's a lot of people out there that are never going to believe this.

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