A New year and a new concern. Apathy has crept into my life. After a hectic end to 2014 with two deaths and a birth in my husband's family, plus having to move his sweet father into a senior's home that could deal with his increasing dementia, I found myself still in a whirlwind of clutter and loose ends, but then SMACK! I ran into a wall marked "on hold" and that's when the apathy tip-toed in together with a lack of resolve to do much about it?
Fund raising for a bladder scanner for the Houston Health Center is on hold due to a possible grant, although I had approached local businesses and am up to $1000 toward the $20,000 needed. Slow wheels moving there. Then the idea for raising money for a CT scanner for the Smithers hospital went by the wayside when I was told it wouldn't happen is now being re-considered, but again, I'm on hold to see if that WILL be a go again. Will Houston be hosting a Daffodil Dash for the CCS in the Spring? Waiting to get people to a meeting to decide but I'm playing phone tag with the connections.
The writing is on hold to hear from a publisher regarding the book series. The story about Yerts on our ski hill is a maybe for NEXT year and I am waiting for a surgery date for my Dad's hip which means my going home to NB again for a bit this winter. Soon? Later?
My life is one big wait for what's around the corner. More cancer, more health issues, more family health concerns, a lottery win perhaps? WILL my stocks ever go back up?
Maybe I AM dealing with things, it's just the sideline buzzing that is upsetting me, all those irons simmering with nothing I can do to move them forward. Gee, what if they all come through at once?
The discovery that exercising, playing Anagrams on the iPhone or watching movies moves time just as well as sitting waiting for answers has helped. But it's not very constructive for a person figuring there might be less than 20 years left to make the most out of my life.
The health? We're waiting for the Dr's appointment to talk about a possible para-thyroid issue. Getting little head-ache flashes upon exerting myself , an imbalance has cropped up, my calcium levels are too high and my moods are swinging large again. I almost blew a gasket at Aquafit when the class was not working for me no matter what I tried. It made no sense, both the lesson's confinement and my absence of patience. I became a four year-old again. I even shouted "F*&# you, Mrs. Kilpatrick (my kindergarden teacher) to the shower spray. Where did that come from?
Something is up and I have to wait to get the ball rolling on what that might be.
Until then, apathy has popped up. I'm starting to not care so much if ANYthing happens. I could almost enjoy this slow pace of waiting. What a change in my life. It used to be go, go, GO!!!!!!!!!! Well, in Aquafit I guess it still is, but other than that...
So, until something changes I'll be letting life pass by skiing or making as many words out of the letters A D S O F H G as I can. It's probably not the WORST thing I could be doing with my time.Let's just hope there will be an end to it before the year gets too much older.