It was with relief and not just a bit of joy that I celebrated my 52nd birthday this week. As usual, I was spoiled, even more so this year with people trying hard to make sure I knew how much I was loved. I get it everyone, although I always did know. I'm sorry about the depression and sinking as low as I got. The anti-depressants are working wonderfully. I seem to be able to be myself, while maintaining a sunnier disposition. They don't seem to mess with my mind, I'm not walking around numb or in a bubble. I am able to sweep aside any darkness that gathers and in some moments, stay in the darkness to sort a few things out before retreating again.
2011 had to have been the worst year of my life. But that is changing!
We spent the last week in November visiting good friends in Victoria and meeting my daughter's fellow for the first time before heading to Vancouver to watch the BC Lions capture the coveted Grey Cup! What a weekend. While down there I had my first breast MRI since getting the news I had breast cancer. A week later we got the results. Not the green light I had hoped for, but not a red one either. I'm to have a follow-up MRI in 6 months, not a year due to some fibrous tissue that is a little "suspect." There is also some fluid still floating around which we'll be talking to the surgeon about. Hmmm. So I don't get to pass "go'" and collect the $200 . Fudge.
I am leaving in the morning for Terrace for a hysteroscopy- a procedure where they knock you out and insert a telescope-like device into the uterus where they can take pictures and samples to rule out any cancerous tissue. There has been a constant cramping since being on the Tamoxifen- a known carcinogen that causes uterine cancer. Just another precaution...
Once bitten, twice shy, as they say. I am thankful for the thoroughness of our medical system.
But I also wonder if it will ever end? Maybe I was too quick to think I would be "over this" in a year. I blew that deadline in August. Maybe we could set my 55th birthday as a deadline.
SPEAKING of, the deadlines for the next alphabetical blog is once again on hold. There are simply too many other things happening at once- you know the drill. The Christmas shopping, getting the parcels and cards out, decorating the house, baking for sales and then for yourself. My time is not my own these days, but I will try and get back to you again in the next week...or so.
Happy running around to you, as well!!
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